Humankind and Theology, Part III

How am I called to behave in the world so as to have the fewest possible regrets and be free from the weight of doing wrong? 

How do I decide what is wrong to do? Do I engage in repentance/atonement? How? 

How do I judge if I have been wronged? 
What do I expect from others who have wronged me?

Epitaph: Idealist and Seeker of Self-Awareness (as my ashes are tossed into the ocean near Big Sur) 

My Desired Epitaph: She loved cats and planted pollinator-friendly flowers. 

I do not like to contemplate answers to these questions, but I often have an intense reaction when I get angry or feel that someone has wronged me. I have been exploring why when someone hurts me, my first response is to hurt that person back. Is this a normal human reaction? It does not seem that revenge is something humans should hold up as a point of pride. Why doesn't turning the other cheek after I have been slapped come naturally? Slapping back harder is often what I want to do instead- hard, fast, and aimed to provoke the same misery I feel. 

I am called in the world to curb my base instincts and ride out the need for revenge like a surfer with a wave surging toward her, steady and stable, riding the turbulence into a calm shore. The calm shore is the place from where it is safe to take action. I wrong others when I can't remember to ride out the intensity of my first maddening reactions to arrive on the calm, sandy, sunny beach of reason. Reacting when I am in an intense emotional state can lead to wrongdoing and regret. 

If I have wronged others, and we are both on the calm shores of reason, I usually apologize. I don't like unkind or hostile dynamics among others and me. I want harmony so I can best focus my energy and resources. I expect the same from others. Sometimes I can forgive and sometimes I may believe that to trust another person who has deeply scarred me would be foolish. I don't have a hard and fast rule about forgiveness. It's nice in principle, but in reality, it may not be the proper solution. 

Sometimes, it is possible that I may never agree with another person, and I say, "Let it be." Such is life. The key is to not let the disagreement affect me or my steady and grounded movement through life. It just is. 

I have violated my own beliefs when I have been unnecessarily selfish- promoting my own interests at all costs- not recognizing the needs and preferences of others;

when I have lost my temper, not been in control of my surfing adventure;

when I have wanted others to hurt as much as they have hurt me;

when I react from a place that is not settled. 

Sometimes, I believe only mothers are capable of showing grace to their children- mercy too. Not all mothers, but my mother was my example. She loved me with her whole heart, even if I sometimes brought her pain. She never gave up on me. Her home was always my place of safety. I think I have only shown true mercy and grace to my pets, especially my cats, no matter the biting or scratching. My mother extended kindness to me when I was perhaps unworthy. She delivered me from judgement and was always safe. That unconditional love is the definition of mother to me. 

I cannot really atone for my sins, but I can use self reflection to understand why I did something unsavory and use that understanding to prevent it from happening again. Communication and empathy are extremely helpful when working through problems with others. When someone else has carelessly stepped on my feelings and sensibilities, I want them to apologize and never do it again. Holding me, comforting me, explaining the why and why not of what happened can help me heal depending upon the circumstances. 

The Nature of Humankind, Part II

What is the nature of humanity and humankind?

     Humans do deserve happiness despite our own negative thinking and self-created injuries and injustices in the world, within national boundaries, embedded in each unique culture, permeating communities, and infecting families. From the macro to the micro, human beings are capable of creating all sorts of trouble and mayhem on the planet. 

     Place: Where we are born, the family we are born into, our socioeconomic status, and the education and income of our parents are all factors that influence how human beings are shaped and the opportunities available to them. Our environment can even activate or deactivate specific genes we carry which have been passed down from generations. Trauma and unfortunate events in life impact our self-image and self-esteem affecting the way we relate to one another. What happens to each one of us from the time we are born- until the time we are five years old- shapes our view of the self, the world, our place in the world, and the way we instinctively interact and form relationships. We can't escape it. 

     Self-esteem, self-concept, self-identity, and the values that each person internalizes as sacred determine the way she or he interacts with the world. Individuals with similarities often feel comfortable grouping together to reinforce what they believe or to give each other strength. This can distance one group from another group because of the differences in lived values and each group's way of living in the world. Early life experiences, bonds or a lack of bonds with caregivers, trauma, and early childhood experiences help to write a life script that we often most dutifully act out on life’s stage consciously and unconsciously every day.
   

     It is important to ensure that all infants and children are nurtured properly- emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually, and fully and wholly. Infants and children are delicate and important creations. Today’s infants will be tomorrow’s adults.

     If there is a reliable social safety net; accessible and trustworthy public health; community support available to all; validation of self-identity; kindness; compassion; acceptance; and lifelong assurance that basic needs will be met; we have created circumstances for people to be at their best. These circumstances facilitate people being kind to others, believing in themselves, and thriving as members of a healthy collective. If, on the other hand, these things are not present, social problems in the form of damaged and fearful humans are created.

     Being too individualistic is quite harmful to society. People in all parts of the world need to be acculturated and taught to see ourselves as connected to other humans, animals, insects, plants, and the cycle of nature. Without recognizing the environment and all the other creatures and plants that live in it as important, we will create global warming along with excess pollution and dead zones in waterways and oceans. People can create healthy and pollution-free communities. We have the potential, but many Americans have chosen a path of individualism. They exhibit a lack of concern for the general welfare of fellow citizens. The capitalistic ideology in the United States leans toward rewarding the wealthiest of the wealthy, and blaming the poorest of the poor for his or her situation. America today is not a model of what positive human potential can do.

What makes people sabotage the potential for a healthy society and world? This, for me, is an important question.

     Humans are deeply afraid of not having enough. They tend to focus more on protecting themselves firstly and their families and loved ones secondly. The fear of failing, going hungry, not having health care, being unemployed, or simply having too few resources stalks and burdens many Americans. These negative thoughts have ten times the staying power in the mind and body. Positive thoughts of being kind to others, helping our neighbors, working to better the planet are chased away by fear of never having enough. We, as humans, need to create an environment where all people can achieve their maximum potential. Why can’t we do this? It is our challenge, but we are constantly failing at the task. We have ideals, but we cannot meet them. Fear, shame, and self-hatred are just a few emotions triggering bad behavior. How do we free ourselves from the trap of our own mind generating negative thoughts which in turn will lead to unfortunate behavior?

     Perhaps we have to evolve further for this to happen. Understanding our brain science and using psychology to understand what the brain needs to be healthy is also an important part of rising to our human potential since so much of each person’s reality exists in her or his own mind. And, absolute power often does corrupt. The shadows and dark side of human nature are very real. Exploitation, greed, arrogance, dominance, abuse, and the quest for power over other human beings reflect our unflattering behaviors. Humans are, in part, the sum of their behaviors. How do we behave well to contribute to strengthening humankind rather than harming or destroying other people and the planet? Taking responsibility for our lives and our actions is a step in the healing direction. The nature of humanity is lodged in its potential. Let's build, structure, and operate society and its institutions so that human potential is beneficially enriching the planet rather than destroying it. 

A Rough Draft Revision of My Ten Commandments (inspired by the Jefferson Bible)

     1.     There should be no culture of worshipping humankind as Gods. We as humans must take responsibility for ourselves.

     2.     Our acts in the world are what matter most.

     3.     Thou shall strive to know thy own mind.

     4.     Strive to be self-aware so I recognize when I bring harm to myself or others.

     5.     Strive to change behaviors that are not productive or beneficial to myself or others.

     6.     Strive to work for social justice and practice becoming comfortable spending time outside my own personal comfort zone.

      7.     Try to understand the realities of others, and help them understand my reality, so I can live in harmony with them and they with me.

     8.     Understand my shadow side- the side that hides and torments me. If I don’t, I will behave in ways that are destructive to myself and others.

     9.     Learn more about the brain and how it impacts behavior. Do the same for the nature/nurture debate so I can better understand myself and others.

And, number 10:

     10.  Strive to make wise choices for my mental and physical health.