Humankind and Theology, Part III

How am I called to behave in the world so as to have the fewest possible regrets and be free from the weight of doing wrong? 

How do I decide what is wrong to do? Do I engage in repentance/atonement? How? 

How do I judge if I have been wronged? 
What do I expect from others who have wronged me?

Epitaph: Idealist and Seeker of Self-Awareness (as my ashes are tossed into the ocean near Big Sur) 

My Desired Epitaph: She loved cats and planted pollinator-friendly flowers. 

I do not like to contemplate answers to these questions, but I often have an intense reaction when I get angry or feel that someone has wronged me. I have been exploring why when someone hurts me, my first response is to hurt that person back. Is this a normal human reaction? It does not seem that revenge is something humans should hold up as a point of pride. Why doesn't turning the other cheek after I have been slapped come naturally? Slapping back harder is often what I want to do instead- hard, fast, and aimed to provoke the same misery I feel. 

I am called in the world to curb my base instincts and ride out the need for revenge like a surfer with a wave surging toward her, steady and stable, riding the turbulence into a calm shore. The calm shore is the place from where it is safe to take action. I wrong others when I can't remember to ride out the intensity of my first maddening reactions to arrive on the calm, sandy, sunny beach of reason. Reacting when I am in an intense emotional state can lead to wrongdoing and regret. 

If I have wronged others, and we are both on the calm shores of reason, I usually apologize. I don't like unkind or hostile dynamics among others and me. I want harmony so I can best focus my energy and resources. I expect the same from others. Sometimes I can forgive and sometimes I may believe that to trust another person who has deeply scarred me would be foolish. I don't have a hard and fast rule about forgiveness. It's nice in principle, but in reality, it may not be the proper solution. 

Sometimes, it is possible that I may never agree with another person, and I say, "Let it be." Such is life. The key is to not let the disagreement affect me or my steady and grounded movement through life. It just is. 

I have violated my own beliefs when I have been unnecessarily selfish- promoting my own interests at all costs- not recognizing the needs and preferences of others;

when I have lost my temper, not been in control of my surfing adventure;

when I have wanted others to hurt as much as they have hurt me;

when I react from a place that is not settled. 

Sometimes, I believe only mothers are capable of showing grace to their children- mercy too. Not all mothers, but my mother was my example. She loved me with her whole heart, even if I sometimes brought her pain. She never gave up on me. Her home was always my place of safety. I think I have only shown true mercy and grace to my pets, especially my cats, no matter the biting or scratching. My mother extended kindness to me when I was perhaps unworthy. She delivered me from judgement and was always safe. That unconditional love is the definition of mother to me. 

I cannot really atone for my sins, but I can use self reflection to understand why I did something unsavory and use that understanding to prevent it from happening again. Communication and empathy are extremely helpful when working through problems with others. When someone else has carelessly stepped on my feelings and sensibilities, I want them to apologize and never do it again. Holding me, comforting me, explaining the why and why not of what happened can help me heal depending upon the circumstances.