On the other hands,

Learning with Joy and Humor

...what students learn with joy keeps a long time in their minds and is hard to obliterate from their memories. - Jim Cheng, Senior 2

Least but not last... - Michael, Senior 2

He [Frank McCourt] would never deceive his students and no doubt, he was honest. - Bill, a student who cheated on this assignment, Senior 2

In response to the writing assignment for Frank McCourt's memoir “Typhoid Fever” from the novel Angela's Ashes

Requirements

You are required to write a minimum of 3 pages to 5 pages in this essay. If you want to write more than 5 pages, that is acceptable. I encourage students who want to take the AP Language and Composition exam to write more pages. The first draft of the essay is due on Monday, December 26, 2011. A first draft means that this essay will have mistakes. You will be expected to correct the mistakes in the first draft and write a second draft after I return your paper. The writing processing is about revising and rewriting multiple times.

For the essay, you must read and understand the short story “Typhoid Fever” and the “Meet the Writer” information on page 234 in addition to the article “The Education of Frank McCourt” by Barbara Sande Dimmitt on page 235.

In the essay, you are required to use one key passage from the story “Typhoid Fever” and one key passage from the article “The Education of Frank McCourt” to support your ideas. You may use more than one passage from EACH story, but one is the minimum. The reason that we annotate the story and article is so that we can become better readers and writer and use our annotations to help us generate ideas for our essays.

If you plan to take the AP English Language and Composition exam, I would advise you to work with more than just two sources in your essay. If you want to take the exam, you should be reading four or five sources about Frank McCourt and using the information from them to write your paper. I will send you additional sources if you plan to take the AP exam.

The questions for the essay are as follows. Choose one.

1. (question 11 on page 238) Explain why you would- or would not- want Frank McCourt as a writing teacher.

2. Compare your view and idea on writing with Frank McCourt’s view. Explain why you agree or disagree with his view of what good writing should be.

As always, if you have questions, ask me.

contentment

We have to cultivate contentment with what we have. We really don’t need much. When you know this, the mind settles down. Cultivate generosity. Delight in giving. Learn to live lightly. In this way, we can begin to transform what is negative into what is positive. This is how we start to grow up.

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo in an interview in Tricycle magazine [Happy July 4th]

Crocus Bloom

signs of spring in my mother's backyard on April 2, 2011

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Men Without Ties

I LIKE MEN WITHOUT TIES!

Men without ties... it's about time

Men without ties don't dress for dinner
Men without ties don't need a thing
Men without ties is king.

Paul Westerberg

[Men in hiking boots, working on landscaping crews, appreciating the flora and fauna, turn me on!]

Social Connections And Honesty

Knowing What I Need

I believe this, but Dean Ornish states it so well in his book:

At some level, we are all interconnected. Thus, every lie is known at some level, even if the other person does not consciously want to acknowledge it. Every lie to our loved one, every deceit- no matter how seemingly small or trivial- causes trust to begin dying. As trust dies, intimacy withers (p. 91-92).

Getting involved with a man who is not single means I can't trust him because I know he hasn't been honest with his wife or girlfriend. If he would lie to the person he claims to be the most important romantic connection in his life, what will he do to me?

And I DO AGREE with Ornish when he writes that he needs trust, commitment, and complete honesty in order to feel safe enough to make himself vulnerable to love someone without holding back. I need those things too.

It’s good to know what one needs in a relationship. Life is all about learning!

I also like this definition of success from Ralph Fiennes, in addition to adoring his performance in The English Patient:

"I call people 'successful' not because they have money or their business is doing well but because, as human beings, they have a fully developed sense of being alive and engaged in a lifetime task of collaboration with other human beings- their mothers and fathers, their family, their friends, their loved ones, the friends who are dying, the friends who are being born" (p. 96). I will add my personal input to his definition. The joy of living is part of the walk, talk and gestures of such a person. Laughter is a daily sound and the connections among emotion (heart), intellect (head), spirituality (soul), and body are strong and wise.

I have always known that talking to my friends is an important step in healing and moving on when a setback or emotional challenge stands in my path, but according to Ornish, "Increasing scientific evidence documents the healing benefits of opening your heart. Many studies have shown that self-disclosure- that is, talking or even writing about your feelings to others- improves physical health, enhances immune function, reduces cardiovascular reactivity, decreases absentee rates, and may even prolong life... if you have suffered a major upheaval in your life, talk to your friends about it" (p. 124-125). I couldn't agree more. After talking to friends about emotional upheavals, I feel cleansed and ready for round two: craziness of the world versus me.

Idea: I may need to spend some time with my Ohana when I leave Brazzaville at the end of June. I need some Kalani love in my life.


Dean Ornish, Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy, HaperCollins, 1998

We Are Touchy-Feely Creatures

Yet we are touchy-feely creatures. We are creatures of community. Those individuals, societies, and cultures who learned to take care of each other, to love each other, and to nurture relationships with each other during the past several hundred thousand years were more likely to survive than those who did not. Those people who did not learn to take care of each other often did not make it. In our culture, the idea of spending time taking care of each other and creating communities has become increasingly rare. Ignoring these ideas imperils our survival.

In short, anything that promotes a sense of isolation often leads to illness and suffering. Anything that promotes a sense of love and intimacy, connection and community, is healing.

Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy, Dean Ornish, M.D., HarperCollins, 1998

If one of the measures of social intelligence were given to random groups of Americans and Congolese, it is my belief that the Congolese group would blow the American group out of the water by leaps, bounds, and lengthy strides. Perhaps Americans should build peace education, civility, social bonding, and respect for the community into their education system- both public and private- institutional and home/family.

Drive by Daniel H. Pink

The science shows that the secret to high performance is our deep-seated desire to direct our own lives, to extend and expand our abilities, and to live a life of purpose.

We’re born to be players, not pawns. Engagement as a route to mastery is a powerful force in our personal lives. While complying can be an effective strategy for survival, it’s a lousy one for personal fulfillment.

In flow, the challenge wasn’t so easy. Nor was it too difficult. It was a notch or two beyond his current abilities, which stretched the body and mind in a way that made the effort itself the most delicious reward. The balance produced a satisfying degree of focus and satisfaction. In flow, he was autonomous and engaged, existing in the moment and connected to the task.

Every workplace should be a flow zone. The desire for an intellectual challenge keeps us engaged. Develop a flow-centered work strategy.

In every field, grit (perseverance, hard work, practice to overcome weaknesses), may be as essential as talent to high accomplishment.

As Carol Dweck says, “Effort is one of the things that gives meaning to life. Effort means you care about something. Something is important to you, and you are willing to work for it. It would be an impoverished existence if you were not willing to value things and commit yourself to working toward them.”

Children careen from one flow moment to another, animated by a sense of joy, equipped with a mindset of possibility, and working with the dedication of a West Point Cadet. They use their brains and bodies in an endless pursuit of mastery. (Adults should try it!)

Mindset

Good Work

Alfie Kohn

Inner Children Emerge

Pathogenic Beliefs and Sex
LJR - May 7, 2009

American culture relegates sexual fantasies to wayward and wicked categories labeled as naughty, pornographic, or even too obscene to articulate, yet sexual fantasies- when revealed and investigated- can often help men and women understand themselves on a deeper level.

Dr. Michael J. Bader’s book, Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, proposes that sexual fantasies are not simply about sex. By analyzing the sexual fantasies of his patients in psychoanalysis, Bader explores the significance of the sex fantasy and the sex act and their connections to managing insecurities and fears that arise for couples in intimate relationships.

We are all flawed and fearful children at heart- and at certain uncomfortable moments- inner boys and girls decide to throw colorful tantrums. These tantrums are even more likely to occur when we have sex.

Naked and vulnerable, we are exposed.

By showing compassion to ourselves and others in regard to understanding human sexual fantasies, we acknowledge our childhood baggage, baggage that often inhibits us from experiencing sexual pleasure.

Here are some excerpts from Bader’s book that shed light on a subject that has been kept in the dark for too long.

People use all the resources at their disposal to defend themselves against and transcend painful childhood beliefs.

Sexual fantasies illuminate and explain non-sexual problems that we are having.

…to the extent that earlier parental relationships contained elements of worry, guilt and shame (which most of our childhoods did), those feelings will enter our love life even more than they would most other aspects of our lives.

Nowhere are adults more dependent than in the relationship they have with their partners, and at no other time was this dependency as strong as it was in childhood. Therefore, the normal emotional dependency in long-term relationships inevitably contains echoes of these earlier attachments. There is an old joke that says when two people have sex, there are six people in the bed: the two lovers and the parents of each of them… intimate sexual relationships necessarily open the psychic doors to the repetition of our own original parent-child relationship.

Sexual compatibility is determined by the extent to which our pathogenic beliefs negate or reinforce those of our partner- and vice versa. And it is in intimate sexual relationships that our pathogenic beliefs about ourselves and others have the most direct opportunity to be confirmed or disproved… Our sexual partners, therefore, have to perform the same function as sexual fantasies, namely, to establish the conditions of safety necessary to allow sexual excitement to emerge.

Bader’s definition of love/chemistry/sexual compatibility is not at all poetic or idealistic.

With his new definition in mind, the lyrics to a famous Beatles’ song change slightly.

“All you need is love” becomes: “All you really need is someone to negate your pathogenic beliefs.”

A revision to Shakespeare’s lines in the comedy “Love's Labour's Lost” would look something like this.

And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.

And when Love speaks, the voice of inner children
Makes earth secure with fears put to rest.

Bader goes on to say that:

Human beings cannot tolerate helplessness for very long. They [either] shut down, fight back, or find some way to pretend it doesn’t exist.

The reason people resist change is not because they’re deriving gratification from being sick, but because they’re trying to ensure their own psychological safety.

According to Bader’s professional experience with his patients, satisfying sexual experiences involve establishing a sense of psychological safety in the bedroom for everyone involved. Reinforcing a partner’s negative, painful, pathogenic beliefs does not lead to first-class sex; it only leads to more shame, guilt and unhappiness.

This book led me to ask myself the honest question: What do I need from a partner to feel psychological safe?

Sorting out and exploring our sexual fantasies is a wholesome step in the process of identifying what we need in order to establish safe and intimate relationships both inside and outside the bedroom.

Sexual fantasies are not all about sex.

Bader, Michael. Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. St. Martin’s Press, 2002.

Birth Control Malfunction

20 to 29 year-olds at risk
LJR – April 24, 2009

About half of all pregnancies in the United States each year are unintended according to a February 2009 report from the Guttmacher Institute.

This means that more than three million pregnancies in America each year are a surprise.

The last U.S. census found that seven out of 10 unintended pregnancies happen in young women between the ages of 20 and 29 according to a National Public Radio report on “Why Accidents (The Pregnant Kind) Happen.”

The average heterosexual American woman who wants only two children spends about 30 years of her life concerned with avoiding an unwanted pregnancy.

The intellectual process of choosing to be responsible about reproductive health involves wading through a list of oral contraceptive side effects that include bleeding between periods, breast tenderness, nausea and vomiting and weight gain.

The vaginal ring is left in place for three weeks and then removed the last week of the month.

Pills must be taken daily, often at the same time, while the relatively new implant Implanon is about the size of a cardboard matchstick and inserted under the skin of the woman’s upper arm.

The cervical cap is a silicone cap shaped like a sailor’s hat, as described by the Planned Parenthood Web site, and is inserted into the vagina and over the cervix.

The Guttmacher Institute, which studies sexual and reproductive health worldwide, also reported that of the 66.4 million American women of reproductive age (13–44) in 2006, more than half (36.2 million) were in need of contraceptive supplies and services.

Why don’t men have an equal smorgasbord of pregnancy prevention options to protect their partner from an unwanted pregnancy?

A vasectomy/reverse vasectomy for men who wanted to start a family would be an ideal family planning choice from the female perspective, but get real. It’s clear that American society and the medical establishment expect women to be the responsible party in the bedroom.

While I believe in taking ownership of my sexuality, I can only imagine a culture that supports my decision. My vision would look something like this.

It’s a sunny morning when Americans wake up to discover that societal norms regarding sexuality have been transformed. A non-coercive, non-exploitive, mutually agreed upon creative exploration of body, mind and spirit occurs only when people freely agree they are ready for sexual intercourse.

The process of agreeing involves taking responsibility for a partner’s physical and mental wellbeing and selecting a form of birth control together. Parents, friends, churches, the state and the medical establishment all play a supporting role.

Contraceptives are provided to all women and men at pharmacies across the nation at an affordable price and with a smile. There is no shame in purchasing a pack of condoms or emergency contraception.

Alcohol and drugs are used to enhance sexual experiences of responsible couples- not as substances imbibed to promote anonymous drunken hook-ups leading to unwanted pregnancies and STDs. In other words, sexual decisions are made with sound minds and full and honest disclosures. All details of encounters are remembered in the morning.

Abortion is available at all hospitals in the nation and viewed as a normal medical procedure. Doctors who perform abortions are respected. Women feel safe and supported if they choose the procedure.

All men and women are encouraged to keep condoms, lubricant and emergency contraception in the medicine cabinet when they reach reproductive age.

The vast majority of upstanding American citizens realize that religious dogma and abstinence education do not prevent young adult pregnancies. Citizens of all ages are educated about their bodies.

The cultural mindset that reserves sex for marriage disappears.

Judging people because they engage in a normal and pleasurable human behavior is now a thing of the past.

Men and women are socially empowered to practice safe and responsible sex.

Truth according to LJR

Life is managed; Life is NOT solved.

I tell myself this every morning as I set out to manage the challenges that are waiting for me- sometimes in ambush, sometimes in plain sight- and then off I go.

Joy of Liberace in the Kitchen

I want this cookbook: “Joy of Liberace: Retro Recipes from America's Kitchiest Kitchen.”

The cover is enough to make me wish that I had been part of the editorial and graphic design team who put this masterpiece together.

Learn more at the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas, Nevada:
http://www.liberace.org/

Diamonds and Furs: A Boy’s Best Friend

If I had the national authority and calendar control clout, I would declare today National Liberace Appreciation Day. His outlook on life had so much to teach us!

Liberace in concert:

“Go ahead, try it! Live Dangerously!” [my editorial comment: Not with your sex life!]

Right on Liberace. You are one of my heroes with all your bawdy faults and human wisdom. I love you.

Practice safely.

Juices Away...

Breakfast of Champions

Fresh carrot and pineapple juice from the farmer's market in Pahoa was part of my Sunday breakfast on March 18.

Come and join me for a glass.